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Little Old Ladies
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The
other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks,
"What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies,
"I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first
old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the
wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me,
madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your
dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I
know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto
this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your
privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The
woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just
bought this hat yesterday!"
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Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go
by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've
been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about
is 'mutual orgasm'. 'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there
- that's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband
was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?". Mabel
thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said,
"No, I think we had State Farm."
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Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green
grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady
nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper
also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy
for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I can't
hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about."
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