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There's truth in everything?:
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and
it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....
Love is grand; divorce is several hundred grand.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common ...
They should both be changed regularly -- and for the same
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded
up, the drink spilled and that ice -- well it really
chilled her mood.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might
try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I
needed was turn-signal fluid."
I'm so depressed... My Doctor refused to write me a
prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting
a new flagpole on a condemned building.
My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see
how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him
rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a
will. He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list
of the people I wanna bite."
Clinton is in the supermarket picking up some things for
the new office when a stock boy accidentally bumps into
him. "Pardon me," the stock boy says.
"Sure," Clinton replies, "but it'll cost
Jesse Jackson, Jim Bakker, and Jimmy Swaggert have
impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do
More Than Lay people".
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