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Why We Love Children:
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked
him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I
pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and
went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank
Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into
Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll
run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light
when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you
sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have
to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last
by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I
replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in
her tummy" "I know," she replied, "but what's
growing in your butt?"
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, Two
plus five, that son of a b* tch is seven. Three plus six, that
son of a b*tch is nine...." His mother heard what he was
saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy
answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
teacher the next day,"What are you teaching my son in
math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them
to say two plus two, that son of a b* tch is four?" After
the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where
Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky
is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then
asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer
said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I
think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!'" The teacher
was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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