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A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers.. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver one at a time and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.
The children tasted and replied:
"Red... cherry",
"Yellow.... lemon",
"Green.... lime",
"Orange... orange."
Finally, the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers. After swishing these
around in their mouths for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," the professor said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, coughed her honey Lifesaver onto the floor, and yelled, "Everybody, spit them out - they're assholes!"
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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00AM".

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

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